Trust my SISTAHS!

Trust has always seemed to be a major issue for me. Allowing someone into my world completely - and letting someone divulge into the complexites of my life has been the hardest task for this Gemini.

I wish I can say that I have been able to give in and let all my sisters into my world...but their friendship is a step to my freedom.

The advice given to me from all the strong black women in my life is to "trust no female." And I am starting to believe that their wisdom is a guide, not advice that is set in concrete. Now that I am a 22 year old on trying to make her own path...I choose to follow my own truth.

My truth is to be cautious with females, which seems to be the same truth for every individual.


To my girls: Your friendship and trust is truely apprecited! You guys are the

funniest
smartest
CRAZIEST
most down to earth
ride or die

women I have ever encountered. You guys have always been holding me down since the begginning.

Can't wait until AUGUST 12,2006!

Love...

Love....and its complexities...

Love is so complicated to me and many others. As a generation we are constantly finding ways to identify it, and find the "one" that exemplies our definition. We are so quick to jump mention those 3 little words, I love you, without realizing its effects....and most importantly the reasons for loving....

My experiences with love have been very short and few, and I have come to the understanding that love---is something you can never really grasp. Love is a never ending search ...a search for self-discovery....

To me...Love is the ability to stand on your own..and once you can do that...then the "one" will come...

Today, I find that I am in love with someone who doesnt have the strength to love me back. Which is making me question my own self love, and my ablity to form a relationship. --- I am a walking constradiction.

I can't seem to figure out the solution to my situation.

What I Really Want...

Have you ever sat down and thought about what you really want? Well I have and it goes a little something like this....

As far as my personal life. I dont even know if I want to have kids and the white house with a picket fence. But I do know I want a husband, someone to travel with and love...all that mushy stuff...Which leads me to wonder what the hell do I want in a man....

He would have to be sucessful, independent, and strong. And intelligence is a major factor! Have a sense of self, and to know who he is without any regrets. He has to be funny and able to handle my smart mouth, and my Gemini ways. The man must love his momma too! Goal oriented!!! --- well thats all for now. lol

To be sucessful. Eventually when I am done at Kent I plan on moving to North Carolina to attend DUKE Law or receive my Masters/Phd in Poli Sci. Possibly become a professor or lawyer. Either would make me happy.....I dont necessarily have to move to NC to do these things..but it would be nice.

An Oridinary Day

here we go....

Nothing angry for yall tonight. I am feelllinnnggg gooooooddd! I had an okay day. I was kind of tired but it was worth it. Got up around 9am, made brunch for my parents...Then we went shopping for there vaction. But they bought me school clothes and facial cleanser lol, from Origins. Then..my mom and I argued a little, which is typical. Then I came home talked to some folks online...went to Target and bought school supplies. Damn this is a boring Blog! lol --- I need some excitement in my life.

I have my scedule for the first week of school @ Kent. I wont be that busy afterall! Thank Goodness.

I got something good for you guys...I overcame my fear of rejection and just went for it. I dont really know whats going to happen. But I SO PROUD OF MYSELF! Such a damn relief...now I am not so nervous and I can chill and be me. You know??

hell there is nothing else to say. oh my parents are leaving for the weekend..so ANYONE come and visit me..so I won't be bored.

yours truely,
shanelle

True Friends

what to write about today..... hummmm

In my 21 years of life I have come to the realization that there are very people in this world you can honestly trust with your deepest darkest thoughts. I have come to know what there are different kinds of friends that I have....from my best friends (the crew), my kick-it friends, my girls and my "friend(s) with benefits".....I wonder is the same for all??

It takes awhile for me to be able to call someone my friend. Some may say this is a trust problem but its a good problem for me to have . I will do anything for my friends and I expect them to do the same for me. I am sorry but I cant trust everyone. Not I.

I truely value my friendships, they mean the world to me. My friends are like my family when "i have," "they have". Especially the crew....there is no stronger bond. These are my friends for life, they are my brothers and my sisters. You fuck with them, you fuck with me! So if you call you my friend, I honestly mean it no matter what circumstances we go through, and dont take it for granted.

------ As far as how my day went........
Today was a good day. Hung out with Chad before he leaves for school on Wed. Chilled with my Dad as usual and we went to the mall. I went on a goose chase for a damn planner (thats another story in itself). Let see what else......oh I know......

have you ever had those days when you can't stop thinking about someone? well that happen to me today, and well yesterday and right now....I wish I could get him out of my head!!!....Like kick his ass out of there! I can't help but to wonder what would his reaction be if he knew I liked him (that sounds juevenille,but you know).........the fear of rejection is holding onto me --- plus I dont want to push him away...after all he is my friend. bahhhhhhaaaaaaaaa.....

the funny thing is that i still miss zahir...but i cant compare every guy to him for the rest of my life..that wouldnt be fair..........

leave a comment let me know what you think..please

Things on my mind...

this is my first posting i dont even know what to talk about....

I had an interesting conversation with my dad the other day. We actually talked about guys, and I realized I want someone like my dad, the way he looks at my mom with such love and trust is truely amazing. My dad is so strong and he loves his girls to death. I want a man like that. Are men made that strong anymore these days?? My dad says that "A woman should be chased..not chasing," and I suppose he is right. Is he?? I wonder because shouldn't I tell someone if I am "feeling them?" Yeah right, the only thing I fear is rejection...I hate telling anyone how I feel, its always seems to turn out in the worst ways for me...So if a man wants me...Like my Dad says chase me...

I just want what my parents have. And eventually it will come...in due time. They have been through a lot together. My dad being gone for 6 years, and my momr holding her own and staying faithful. My parents are the smartest people I know. Although they get on my nerves, deeply I know that they are always right.

My mom is the strongest person I know, and If I can be half the woman she is...I will be aight. Any woman who drives an hour to work for 20+ years and works 60hours a week so her kids and have a good education is truely a strong woman. I love my momma to death, with all my heart.

My parents have shown me the world...and I am truly greatful.