WE w/o a Title

Boy. Girl. Man. Woman. Boo. Lover. Partner. Boyfriend. Girlfriend.

TITLES.

I am not a fan of titles, I am unsure when I made the decision that titles are the beginning to a slow death to a relationship. Maybe because it seems like most courtships of my friends meet their untimely demise at the introduction of a title, or maybe because the man I loved in college wasn’t a fan of titles. Maybe at some point I decided arguing for a title wasn’t worth losing the courtship of the man in my life. I don’t know where my dislike started but it has ended with me not being a fan of titles, particularly the infamous, dooming titles of…boyfriend or girlfriend.

With a title comes pressure, comes accountability, and expectations. I am in no way escaping the normal parameters that are placed on being a girlfriend nor do I fear the pressure or accountability. But expectations, I have a problem with. What are you expecting of me as your girlfriend outside of “normal” girlfriend duties? I have a problem with a man expecting me to intrinsically tie my life to his because I am his girlfriend.

Can we fully be committed without a title? Yes you can, if you are honest and trust each other. Importantly, you have to decide how your situation operates outside the two of you. You have to set rules, set limits and boundaries and define your own relationship.

This is different from a titled relationship because without one, WE can define our relationship without bringing the traditional expectations within our courtship.

Also, a relationship without a title does not negate progression, and it most definitely doesn’t mean that we are “friends with benefits.” It is something real, it is tangible, and it is so dynamic that a title box can’t contain it—at least for me it is.

This is just me. Every situation is different, and let’s be honest most people need a title for self-affirmation and for others to know…they have a man.

After-all, my end goal title is WIFE.

Supersaturating Love

Why do we rush? Particularly, why do we rush relationships? We supersaturate, meaning to add something to an element that has already been completely in

filtrated. We shouldn’t do this to our hearts; we shouldn’t do this with love, with something that is so precious.

How do we supersaturate?

We rush, and everything is too much, too soon. We can’t do anything social or private without that person. We stop being around our friends of the opposite sex because we don’t want to seem “fishy.” We live our days with that person as if when we added a “title” we simultaneously said “I do” forever (and even “forever” doesn’t mean everyday).

In 2010, not only do we have a 24hour news cycle we have 24 hour relationships. Without seeing that person we are in their face 24/7. Facebook, Twitter and Blackberry Messenger, etc are all consuming, add a relationship to it…it becomes an obsessive compulsive disorder. We know social media websites aren’t reality, but they affect our reality, they affect our perception of a person and instead of being entertaining, most days they can feed on our insecurities, and our natural paranoia about the human being.

Let’s take a lesson from the old heads!

My parents have been together for 35 years, and I think they can attribute that to limiting saturation. Even with living in the same home, my parents can’t tell you what each other have done all day. They are not Facebook friends, nor do they follow each other on Twitter and for damn sure my Mom doesn’t text my Dad all day (she calls him lol).

*disclaimer: I am not perfect, I have my days with social media sites, and I have to constantly remind myself that reality relies in hearing his voice, him being next to me, and him telling me he wants me.

-Ms. LaCole

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Domestic Goddess

Can I cook? Yes.

Can I clean? Yes.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T? Yes.

Do I rock a bad ass heel? Hell yes!

I can do all these things and more, but for some reason I do not believe these qualities make me a good woman, nor do I want a man to base his affection for me on what a domestic goddess can do for him.

My point is I wish we as women would stop minimizing our own qualities and expecting the maximum from men. I have never heard one of my friends say “I just need a man to take out the trash,” but I have heard them say “I just need him to tell me good morning & have a good day.”

We think all men want is for someone to clean up after them, cook them a meal and give them good sex, they want those things, but they want more and we should recognize we are more than domestic goddesses. You want him to check in you on you? Check in on him. You want him to make time for you? Make time for him. Bottom-line, any woman can cook him a meal, any woman can clean for him, someone else can give him good sex, but are doing the “extra” that we expect from men?

Even beyond that, let’s stop pretending we are so independent. Depending on a man should not always come with a negative connotation. I know most women won’t say this but…I depend on a man. I depend on a man to protect me, make me feel safe, hold me at night when all else in my world seems to fail. I depend on a man to tell me I am sexy, beautiful. I depend on a man…to be a man.

I depend on a man to be my superman, and when he needs me to be, I am his Lois Lane.